Most of us enter into marriage believing it's about us. We don't say that, of course, or even think it clearly enough to force us to face our selfishness. But, it's there- hidden inside the expectations we have of our spouse, the disappointment we feel when they're not met, and the constant struggle to coerce our other half into living up to them.
It's what I believed when I walked down the aisle, a young woman who'd barely begun to understand herself, and committed to loving, serving, and living life alongside my husband. Many frustrating days and heated arguments were born out of that misconception.
Over the years, I would come to understand that the cost for one, beautiful life together is two separate, painful deaths.
In order to discover what could be, I first had to surrender what I assumed it would be.
Whether your marriage is in a great place or is barely holding on, I encourage you to pray one of these points every day and just see what God might do inside of your relationship.
Monday- Spirit of Generosity
Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back. Luke 6:38
It’s tempting to focus on what our spouse brings or doesn’t bring to the relationship instead of growing in our willingness to be generous with our words, actions, time, and energy.
Father, I'm asking that you help me to be generous towards my spouse. Give me a heart to serve and love them the way You do, without any string attached. May the culture of our marriage and home reflect Your heart of generosity.
Tuesday- Healthy Communication
We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15
Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed. Proverbs 12:19
A healthy relationship is built on healthy communication. Differences in personality, gender, and life experiences can bring difficulty into our attempts to communicate, but the biggest culprit is our own sin.
Father, You promised to lead and guide me into all truth. I’m asking You to help me communicate in ways that are life-giving, honest, and loving. Help me to be vulnerable with my spouse and let them in on my pain, struggles, hopes, and dreams.
Wednesday- Heart of Forgiveness
If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
The person we love the most also has access to hurt us the worst. Choosing to forgive is not saying what happened was right, it is simply an extension of the forgiveness Christ willingly gave us.
Father, Your definition of love keeps no record of wrong. It’s easier said than done, and I’m asking for Your help to follow in Your footsteps and extend forgiveness. Remind me when I’m tempted to bring up past wrongs or even just dwell on them. Help me to offer forgiveness freely.
Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? Amos 3:3
Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And there the Lord has pronounced his blessing, even life everlasting. Psalm 133:3
Busy schedules, responsibilities, and the pressure of life make it easy to drift out of unity with each other. It takes intentional work and the grace of God to stay in alignment, but it’s worth the effort as we enjoy the blessing of God in our marriage.
Father, I’m asking You to give both of us a desire and commitment to walk in unity. Would You bind the work of the enemy that tries to get us fighting with each other instead of fighting for our relationship? Help me to lay down my personal agenda so I can understand Your will for our lives.
Friday- Fulfilling Sex Life
May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine- Yes, wine that goes down smoothly for my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth. I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own. Song of Solomon 7:9-10
God designed sex to be satisfying and fulfilling, continually getting better over time, and increasing our intimacy with each other. It’s a righteous desire to pray, talk about, and grow in your ability to enjoy each other sexually.
Father, I pray that You would help me to understand Your gift of sex to us as husband and wife. The culture around me has so many opinions and the experiences of my past can make me feel like this isn’t a topic to bring up with You. Open my eyes to Your plan for us so that we can enjoy each other the way You designed us to.
Saturday- Atmosphere of Fun
A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22
Everything gets better when we’re having fun. God is honored and pleased when we find delight in the life He gave us. It also helps us become the healthiest versions of ourselves.
Father, would you help me to grow in my ability to have fun with my spouse. Give me creative ideas for spending time together. Help us to get beyond the pressures of life so we can laugh, have fun, and enjoy moments as a couple.
Sunday- Attitude of Growth
I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philippians 3:13-14
As we change and grow with each season of our lives, our relationship needs to continually grow as well. There is a constant need to learn about the other person, understand their needs, and love them better than we ever have before.
Father, help me to embrace an attitude of growth towards our marriage. Give me the grace to be humble and teachable, to lean into learning about my spouse, and growing in my understanding of how to honor You by loving the person You gave me to walk through life with.